according.to.kim

Just because

I spent the past hour holding Georgia. She was asleep the whole time so I could've put her in bed, but I just wanted to hold her. Just because.

I wanted to hold her
because I love her so much,
because she's so tiny and warm and cuddly,
because she won't be this size for long,
because I can't get enough of her beautiful face,
because I'm so glad she's here,
because she's such a miracle (as all babies are),
because there's nothing better than holding your baby.

***

This sums it all up for me...

Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of love.

--Maureen Hawkins

Georgia's birth story

Warning: This may be too much information for some people!

Georgia's birth story began on Friday, January 6, 2006 at about 11:00 p.m. We were smack dab in the middle* of watching the movie, Wedding Crashers. (Of course it was past my usual bedtime at this stage of pregnancy, but when Neil asked if I wanted to watch a movie, I thought, sure, I can stay up a little later tonight because I'll be able to sleep in tomorrow. Ha!)

I asked Neil to pause the movie because I had to pee. I went to the bathroom, used the toilet, and when I stood up, my water broke. I called Neil to the bathroom. He didn't believe me at first! Helloooo! I know the difference between peeing and leaking amniotic fluid! He just thought it was too early. Well, it took me by surprise too, but this was unmistakable. I asked him to get me a Pull-up (diaper) because from past experience I knew that maxi pads would be completely useless.

Within a couple of minutes, Neil had called his cousin Darren to come to our house, and I had dressed for the hospital. He then called Glenys to meet us at the hospital, and our parents to let them know what was happening. While Darren was en route, we gathered up the last few items for my hospital bag. Thank goodness I had pinned a list to my bag because my adreneline was way up and I couldn't think straight. Darren arrived within 20 minutes and we were outta here soon after.

Sophia's birthday

For Sophia's birthday yesterday, we stayed home and had an informal celebration. We let her open her gifts first thing in the morning, so the rest of the morning was all about playing with her new toys. Neil's Mom and Dad came to the city for her birthday and arrived mid-afternoon. It was another beautiful day--sunny and 0 degrees celsius--unbelievably warm for Saskatchewan in January (in fact, most of December and January were incredibly mild). Taking advantage of the nice weather, Lou (Grandpa Stang) took Sophia and Madeline to the park at the end of our block, and Neil prepared a wonderful supper on our charcoal grill outside. To finish the celebration, we had chocolate cupcakes with candles in them for both Sophia and Madeline's birthdays. It was a good day and Sophia is very happy to be five.
***
We are going to have a bigger birthday bash for both Sophia and Madeline. On Friday night, online, I booked a party at Chuck E. Cheese's for this Thursday. We took the girls to C.E.C's in Edmonton in November 2004 and Sophia still remembers it. She's dying to go to the new location here in Regina which just opened a few weeks ago. I know it's a bit cheesy (ha ha), but the girls and their guests are going to love it. Guaranteed.

Normally, I would prefer to do things myself, like making invitations, baking and decorating the cakes, etc., but I just don't have the time or energy right now. With Chuck E. Cheese's, we don't have to do anything so it's perfect for this year. They supply the cake, goody bags, and entertainment, and all we have to do is show up. I'm sure Sophia and Madeline will be thrilled, and to top it off, they're going to have a big surprise... Their cousin, Bronwyn, is coming from Toronto on Thursday and she'll be at the party! Shhhh!

Irresistible

Three little princesses.

Monitor update

The night with no alarms was clearly an anomaly. It's been a week and we've had several apnea alarms every night since. The past few nights, there have been times when the alarm was going off every minute (no exaggeration!) until I simply had to turn off the monitor. The fact is I'm just not that worried about her breathing and we need to get some sleep!

Here's why I'm not worried about her breathing. During one series of alarms, I sat there with my hand on Georgia's chest. Not only could I feel her breathing, but I could also hear her breathing (between alarms), and I could see that the respiration light on the monitor was not lighting up. Sure enough, the alarm would sound after 20 seconds with no light. There must be a problem with the monitor not picking up some of her breaths--perhaps very shallow breaths during deep sleep? I don't know.

I always hook up the leads and (reluctantly) turn on the monitor when I put Georgia back to bed after feeding her during the night. There may be a series of alarms soon after I put her in bed or not until an hour or two later. There has even been the odd time with no alarms between feedings. It's really unpredictable.

Happy birthday Sophia!

Sophia is five years old today! Wow. It's hard to believe it's been five whole years since we became parents and held our first beautiful baby girl in our arms.

Life with baby #3

I'm often itching to write something or other but it's very difficult to find the time these days. There's no doubt that I always could (or should) be doing something else, so when I do get on here, it's because I choose to shove everything else aside for the time being. And I'm okay with that because I enjoy blogging and I need to do something for me sometimes. Or perhaps it's some sort of addiction. As I said to a coworker yesterday, I feel compelled to babble online.

Well, if that wasn't babbling, I don't know what is. Now for the topic I meant to write about...

I'm enjoying Georgia's babyhood very much. I really loved the newborn phase with Sophia and Madeline too, but I think there's something even better about it this time 'round. Basically, it's experience. I just feel comfortable with Georgia. It's almost like I know what I'm doing! For example, I'm very comfortable with breastfeeding. I know what a good latch looks, sounds, and feels like. Georgia and I zipped through that initial learning period very quickly and avoided a lot of the frustration and pain that can occur. It certainly helps that she's been a good nurser from the beginning too. Another example is that I don't find bathing the newborn as daunting a task as I once did. It's still not my favourite thing to do, but I know what to do and I can get it done quickly.

I'm very thankful for having this experience and this level of comfort with Georgia. I'm sure that all of the extra concerns we have with her would be much more stressful if we were first-time parents on top of it. Plus, it's good to know what Sophia and Madeline were like as newborns and to see that Georgia appears and acts very "normal" in spite of her heart condition.

All in all, I've found that having a third baby is demanding but not overwhelming. Neil is very much to thank for that because he's such a big help, especially with Sophia and Madeline. I think the most difficult thing for me right now is just accepting that I can't do as many things in a day as I'd like to.

Sunday & Monday

Robyn took this great photo of Georgia and her Grandma Byrns (my Mom) on Sunday. I love how awake Georgia looks here. We went to YG on Sunday to see my cousin Alex and his girlfriend Veronica while they're visiting from China. It was also great to see Val, Cliff, Bev, Preston, Brittany, Colleen, Grandma Mantay, Rob, Robyn, Ethan, Jordyn, Kacy, and Mom and Dad. Mom prepared a great supper for the occasion.
***
We had a very busy day yesterday. We voted in the federal election, made several appointments, opened a bank account for Georgia, and took Sophia to preschool (they had a pajama party yesterday which she was very excited about) and her Irish dance class (bonus: she actually participated in the entire class this time). I also got my flu shot--finally! With a couple more months of flu season still to go, I felt it was important to minimize the risk of Georgia (and me) catching the flu.

A few updates

We had no alarms last night. None. Zero. Zilch! 16, 6, 6, 0. What's going on?!

I think Georgia can sleep through anything. Perhaps it was her NICU training. Both Sophia and Madeline can be crying and screaming at the top of their lungs just a few feet from Georgia and she doesn't even move.

The girls, especially Sophia, want to hold Georgia a lot -- perhaps a little too much. We'll have to keep a close eye on that. It is nice to see how much they adore her though. When Georgia cries, Sophia sings "Rock-A-Bye Baby" to her.

Georgia is two weeks old today. Two weeks already! She is such a sweet baby. She doesn't cry very much and still sleeps a lot, but is starting to be awake a little more each day.

I feel pretty darn good for only two weeks post-partum. A little sleep-deprived, yes (I really should be in bed right now!), but feeling well otherwise. I'm lucky to recover so quickly.

Our house is a disaster. It's such a blessing that Neil can stay home with us right now and he really does a lot around here, but we can hardly keep up. We have the basics covered though. Neil made fabulous bison burgers for supper today.

Georgia pics

Click on photos to enlarge. (1) Showing off the beautiful hat and booties that Neil's cousin Cheryle made for Georgia. (2) You can see the bald patch above Georgia's left ear where they shaved her hair in search of a vein and the spots at the top of her forehead where her hair was pulled out by the tape that held her IV in place. (3) Madeline & G. (4) Sophia & G.

This week's appointments

We saw our family doctor (Dr. Miller) on Wednesday and a pediatrician (Dr. Ruthnum) on Thursday. I really like both of them. It was the first time we'd met Dr. Ruthnum.

We'll see our family doctor for Georgia's standard check-ups and the pediatrician for her heart condition and anything else out of the ordinary. For example, Georgia's hemoglobin was low when she was born and remained low while in NICU, so the pediatrician will order a CBC. As prescribed, we've been giving Georgia an iron supplement since we got home as her natural iron stores will diminish over time. While in the hospital, they did some tests (an ultrasound of Georgia's head and abdomen to rule out internal bleeding and a Kleihauer test on my blood to rule out transplacental blood loss) to try to determine why her hemoglobin was down, but I don't think they found the answer. (Added 10:50 p.m. Neil says Dr. Kalepesi said it's probably because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her.)

I felt reassured by both doctors this week. Both said that Georgia looks great and appears to be doing well despite her low heart rate. Dr. Ruthnum reminded us that as long as her heart is working efficiently to pump the blood throughout her body, it doesn't really matter how fast or slow the heart is beating. He also reminded us that she may need a pacemaker someday. I always get the impression from medical professionals that a pacemaker is not a big deal. It would be a big deal to us, of course, but I realize it may not be as serious as many other things.

Georgia was also weighed and measured at both offices. I think at least one of the scales is a little off because Georgia's weight was 3.38 kg (7 lbs 7 oz) on Wednesday and 3.52 kg (7 lbs 12 oz) on Thursday. I don't think she could have gained that much in one day. At 3.38 kg (just over her birth weight of 3.28 kg), Dr. Miller and I agreed that I should feed Georgia more during the day (every three hours instead of four when she tends to wake up), but the pediatrician thought we were doing fine as is.

I've listed our scheduled appointments in the left column, mostly as a reminder for me, but also for anyone who's interested.

Infant home monitor

We received the infant home monitor from the hospital on Tuesday. It's used for monitoring heart rate and respiration, and we only have to put it on Georgia when she's sleeping in her bed. The low heart rate alarm will sound if Georgia's heart rate drops below 60 bpm, and the apnea alarm will sound if she doesn't take a breath for 20 seconds (the setting for all babies). I think it's safe to say we'll never hear an alarm for high heart rate.

The first night with the monitor was awful! The apnea alarm went off 16 times between 11:30 p.m. and 7:30 a.m. Needless to say, Neil and I did not have a good sleep! (At least the alarm does not wake up Georgia or the other two.) At first, it was quite worrisome because of course we need to check to see if she's okay. She was always fine though. We also have to count the number of beeps (one per second until she takes a breath) and then record it on a tracking sheet. All of this alarming was rather surprising because it hadn't gone off during her daytime naps; however, the home monitor lady had told us that babies have very irregular breathing patterns and it's not uncommon for them to go 20 seconds between breaths. So what's up?! I called the lady on Wednesday to discuss the problem. She said it may be interference from something like a neighbour's satellite dish or cell phone, or perhaps the electrodes are in poor positions and not picking up very shallow breaths.

We decided to see how it would go the second night without changing anything, especially because the electrode adhesive was very fresh and would be difficult to remove. The second night was much better with just one apnea alarm at 3:30 a.m. and then not again until 6:30 a.m. when there were several in a row. We could live with that. Last night was okay too, but not great, with five alarms between 12:35 and 1:40 a.m. There was another one after that but we slept right through it. It was probably just one beep. I know there was an alarm because the apnea light was on when I woke up this morning and it stays on until you press the reset button.

So the question is... is there actually a problem with Georgia's respiration, is there a problem with the monitor, or is there some other interference causing the alarms? Frankly, we're not too worried about her breathing. Last night, we were sure we could hear her breathing even when the respiration light was not coming on (a green light comes on each time she takes a breath; likewise, another green light comes on for each heartbeat). And even if she does hold her breath for 20 seconds, she always breaths again soon after.

I don't know what the answer is, but we'll just keep using the monitor and see what happens. We're not planning to move the electrodes until it's time to change them (once a week) as they seem to be located well enough. Also, we mentioned this problem to both doctors this week and they didn't seem too concerned about Georgia's respiration, but the pediatrician did say that her breathing would likely be different at night when she's sleeping more deeply.

Madeline's birthday

Our birthday celebration for Madeline yesterday was pretty low-key, but good. Neil took her to Sharon's in the morning (no need to mess up their alternate days in the first week), so after Sophia finished preschool in the afternoon, we took some cupcakes to Sharon's for a little celebration with their friends. Mom happened to be in Regina yesterday too, so she came to Sharon's house as well and brought helium-filled balloons for the kids. They were a big hit. After we got home, Neil's Mom and Dad came to our house. We ordered food for an easy supper and Madeline opened her gifts. So, no big party or anything, but I think Madeline was quite happy. We may still have a real birthday party for both Sophia and Madeline, but not until after Sophia's birthday.
***
Madeline is so funny right now. I was eating some toasted pecans today and Madeline asked for one. I gave her one and as soon as she ate it, she remarked "I do love them!" which was a pleasant surprise. I'm sure if I had offered it to her, she would have refused. She's very choosy about food. Then a little later, I saw that she was eating something, so I asked what it was. She pointed to the bowl of pecans and said, "my fiscits" (which sounds like "Triscuits", a popular cracker in our house). Then she kept saying "I'm eating my fiscits!" Even when I told her they're called pecans, she insisted that they're fiscits.

Happy birthday Madeline!

Madeline is three years old today. My, how time flies!

The girls today

Sophia: Had lots of fun at Sharon's house. I'm really glad. Too bad this evening was quite a bit less fun (for all of us). Sophia was devastated to learn that tomorrow is Madeline's birthday but hers is still 10 days away, and she can't go to her friend's birthday party at a swimming pool on Sunday because we have other plans.

Madeline: Was acting very silly. I got out a pudding for her snack and set her up at the table, then started feeding Georgia. After a few minutes, I looked over at Madeline and she was rubbing pudding all over her hands as if it was hand lotion. At least she was very cooperative about cleaning up. I couldn't do anything, so I just said 'go wash your hands' and she did. She washed her face too.

Georgia: Got hooked up to her spiffy new monitor. I'm glad we have it, but I can see it's going to be a pain in the butt. Typically, when you lay a sleepy or sleeping baby down in bed, you don't want to cause a bunch of commotion, but with the monitor, we have to lay her down, unsnap her sleeper and undershirt, connect the two leads, then press the on button which makes a very loud beep. Oh boy, I can hardly wait to do that in the middle of the night--and for two whole months.

Here's a picture of Georgia with her two new happy face electrodes. The two smaller ones are still on from NICU. We're just waiting for the adhesive to wear down a little more before taking them off.

Medical appointments

Georgia and I haven't left the house since we came home from the hospital Thursday evening. Unfortunately, that's about to change a little sooner than I'd like--and we won't be going out for the fun of it.

We have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow morning to get the home monitor and learn how to use it. They said it would take about an hour. I'm a little concerned about what this monitor will entail, but I guess it will offer peace of mind. On Wednesday morning, Georgia and I both have appointments with our family doctor, and on Thursday afternoon, we have an appointment with the pediatrician. We also have appointments on February 2 for the Holter monitor and the following week to see a cardiologist. And this is just the beginning; I have quite a list of other medical appointments to make over the next couple of months.

Neil and I were used to going to our one appointment per week over the last two months and we never took the kids with us. Now we'll be taking Georgia and either Sophia or Madeline to each appointment. That's because the girls are going to the babysitter on alternating days from now on (today was the first day). Madeline is going on Mondays and Wednesdays and Sophia on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We're doing this for a couple of reasons--to secure our spot with the babysitter and to preserve our sanity. I think Sophia and Madeline will also benefit from getting out and playing with their friends at Sharon's house. Plus, Sharon does a lot of different indoor and outdoor activities with the kids.

I think these appointments are going to be challenging for the next little while. It's always tricky to coordinate on-demand feeding with scheduled appointment times. Plus, I may not have a chance to catch up on sleep like I did this morning.

Diagnosis & follow-up

I had said there are many things about the past week I wish to write about. I'm going to start with the most difficult--what the doctors said about Georgia's heart.

First off, Georgia came through the labour and birth quite well. Her heart rate was monitored continuously and it remained stable at about 70-80 bpm throughout. Her one-minute and five-minute Apgar scores were three and eight, respectively. The first one was so low because she was very pale and had a bit of trouble breathing right off the bat. Those conditions were not necessarily due to her heart though; they may have been the result of the umbilical cord being wrapped around her neck and body (it's rather surprising that her cord was so long since my other babies had very short cords). It's very good that she improved so quickly and had a good score at five minutes.

Now about her heart... While in NICU, Georgia had an echocardiogram, ECG (electrocardiogram), and 24-hour Holter monitor. With those results, the pediatric cardiologist, Dr. Mack (in consultation with his mentor), diagnosed Georgia's condition to be third-degree or complete heart block.

Basically, while the SA node (sinus node) is conducting normally, the AV node is completely blocked; i.e., it is not sending a signal to the ventricles. Instead, the ventricles are beating at a rate that's dictated by one of the heart's back-up systems, most likely a junction below the AV node.

So what does that mean for Georgia? We really don't know at this point. We just have to wait and see what happens.

Newborn babies have a high heart rate (between 120 and 160) and it gradually decreases as the child grows. So the concern with Georgia is that her already slow heart rate may get slower. If it does, then she may need a pacemaker. They really don't know if it will decrease or not.

There's also the issue of maternal antibodies. They do think the heart block was caused by my antibodies. Those antibodies are still in Georgia's system but they'll clear out of her in about six weeks. I don't think they've seen any damage in her heart, so we hope to see an improvement after the antibodies clear, but who knows. Dr. Mack didn't say much about that.

In the meantime, Georgia will be monitored pretty closely. She'll be seeing our family doctor, a pediatrician, and the pediatric cardiologists on a regular basis. Our GP and pediatrician both have received all of the background info on Georgia's condition. She will also have another 24-hour Holter monitor in three weeks. We may also be getting some sort of home heart monitor from the hospital this week, that we could use for a couple of months. This type of monitor is set to alarm at 80 bpm, so we'll only be getting one if they can reset it to alarm at 60 bpm. According to our last NICU nurse, the alarm could "wake the dead" so we certainly don't want it set too close to her normal heart rate.

We were also instructed to check Georgia's heart rate several times a day. Thanks to Mom for lending us a stethoscope. There's no way we could check her heart rate accurately by trying to feel her pulse in her upper arm or groin area--much too elusive. If we find her heart rate at 60 or less, then we need to take her to Emergency. Plus, we always need to watch for signs of heart failure, such as pale/mottled/blue skin tone, swelling in various parts, respiration problems, lethargy, and even a worried look on her face (seriously, babies will look worried when there's something wrong; who knew?).

So, we just have to wait and see. I'd be lying if I said this doesn't scare me. It scares the hell out of me.

Feeling better today

No doubt that hormones and lack of sleep contributed largely to how I felt yesterday. I do feel better today, partly because I had a much better sleep last night. I had three good chunks of sleep which added up to eight or nine hours. I've also found that one way to chase away the blues and forget one's worries (temporarily anyway) is to replace those feelings with anger and frustration. I spent a considerable amount of time today creating some email distribution lists to announce Georgia's birth to friends, and for some reason my email is not working (something about the server) and I can't send the announcement (yet). Grrrr!

On another note, Georgia has been eating and sleeping very well. She wants to eat every four hours, almost like clockwork. Can't complain about that! Plus, she hardly ever cries. She often wakes up close to the four-hour mark and just lays there making little sounds. She only cries when she's really hungry and we're wasting time changing her diaper. Last night, she had the hiccups and slept right through it! Amazing.

I wasn't ready

This seems kind of silly, but right now I'm sad because my pregnancy is over. Georgia was born two weeks and two days early. I thought she'd arrive early, but not quite that soon. I wasn't really ready. Physically ready, yes, but not emotionally. I wanted to have more pictures of my belly (it was on my to do list last Thursday and Friday, but we just didn't do it); I wanted to have a few days "off"; I wanted to savour the last few days of my pregnancy after completing all of our baby preparations. That may sound crazy if you've gone overdue or didn't enjoy your pregnancy, but I did. I loved carrying my babies and feeling them move and kick. I know I won't ever be pregnant again and I really don't want to be (this one was way too stressful), but I'm sad that all of a sudden it's over and I can't ever feel that way again.

I guess instead of saying "any time now, baby!" (on Jan 5), I really should've said "give me another week!"

Incredible people

All three girls are asleep now, and I suppose I should be too, but I was thinking about the huge number of people involved in Georgia's and my care, before and after birth:

• Dr. McMeekin-Down, GP,
• Dr. Miller, GP,
• Dr. Cardoso, Perinatologist,
• Dr. Mack, Pediatric Cardiologist,
• Dr. Kakadekar, Pediatric Cardiologist,
• Dr. Tyrrell, Pediatric Cardiologist,
• Dr. Carson, Perinatologist,
• Dr. Bodani, Neonatologist,
• Dr. Kalepesi, Neonatologist,
• Dr. Ruthnum, Pediatrician (next week),
• Marilyn, the best ultrasound technician,
• The nurses and staff of Dr. Cardoso's office,
• Shelly, our labour and delivery nurse,
• The nurses of the Mother-Baby Unit,
• The nurses of the NICU (especially Amy, Nicole, Vera, Dana, Kim, Carmen, and Sharon),
• Deb, our home visit nurse (added Jan 14), and last but certainly not least,
• Glenys, our aunt, doula, and wonderful support person throughout.

There were also several people in the delivery room whose names I don't know, including the resident who caught Georgia, the respiratory technician, a nurse from NICU, and other labour and delivery nurses. Plus there were numerous other people involved in more peripheral roles.

Wow. It's really amazing. Everyone was fantastic too. I can't thank them enough!